After Bob died I kinda went on a internal dig. Soul Search ha, love those times usually. This weekend was a definite test of my courage, confidence, and social acumen. It was also a challenge to my resolve. It was also a reminder of the positive effects of any pain, suffering, and sacrifice we go through in life. Keeps you growing, improving, and bettering yourself as you go.
Like a diamond in a tumbler.
I am finally actually shopping for apartments. Options, so many, I literally can go wherever I want. So I have been asking around. I meet someone and its one of the questions I pop in. I have heard a lot of good things about right where I am but to the north some. I think that's the direction I am going. But I cannot live here in Wilton, The prices on simple places are just outrageous. I do love this lil berg tho. Will visit often!
This past weekend I forced myself to get dressed up and go out alone. Only place in town where you can meet a good blend of Gay and Straight people is The Manor. So far at least. I went had a couple drinks sat outside watching people as they came in and out. This youthful looking guy came towards me. I held my cellphone so I could see him over the top and still look to be playing a game on it. as he passed I turned and looked at his ass.. I had to what I saw coming was so yummy I had to see if it ended on a sweet note too!
Boy did it ever.
I wiggled a little in my seat and settled in to play blendoku for another hour until the place closed. I felt a warm breath on my shoulder and one of the smoothest voices I have heard in a while tickled my ears.
"Mind if I sit with you beautiful?"
I literally looked around me and back at him "Yer talking to me?" I slid over and patted the leather seat next to me, "Well sure have a seat."
I was on the prowl I guess. I wasn't looking for any connections, or anyone to ever see again after that night. So i played all my "hook em and tie em up" cards. Playful, flirty, open, and forward. He leaned in after a moment and said,
"You know I love chubby girls." he turned on his phone and showed me some pictures. "I just love how soft they are"
Nothing happened. We walked around a bit and chatted, he came back and met my roommate Blueshirt, and kissed me goodbye,
Haven't heard from em since. I guess I stayed on track with that one hey? *laughs*
Then the next day I got a text from someone I met on Tagged. He asked me out for sushi and then stood me up. All the things that went thru my head. Like maybe he came and sat in the parking lot and once he saw me he decided I wasn't sexy enough, or chickened out. I poked em a lil for standing me up. Turns out his phone got stolen that night and he couldn't make it to me. So we gave it another try.
Rosie's bar in Wilton was the choice of venue this time. I went and sat waiting. He wasn't showing so I ordered a Appetizer. Treat myself I thought. Crab cakes. It felt good to know that even if he didn't show I could take care of this meal myself. And without making much of a dent in my budget.
As I sat there nibblin my crab cakes he texted me saying he went the wrong way. I tipped the ketchup bottle onto its side near my plate, the sign at Rosie's that ya are just away from the table but will return shortly. Stood outside so he could find the place. Rain, wind, and sandals. I didn't mind. I was, am proud of myself for where I am going in many aspects of my life. First time in a while.
When he pulled up and got out of the car I was a little intimidated. Very tall, well dressed, smelled amazing. Nervous, yeah a lil he was a handsome man black man, younger, and very smart. Once we started talking. It wasn't hard at all. He was easy to be around. I didn't feel out of place, I was in my skin, and I was confident. At first driving the conversation then some of the conversation took off. The right kind.
Religion, politics, GLBT community and a lot of aspirations. He asked me a toughie. My last heartbreak. At first I told him I wasn't ready yet to discuss the last one. I took a huge bite of my coconut shrimp and a sip of my gin and tonic laughing to myself how ironic it was the cocktail I was drinking during this particular line of questioning. I let the glass hit the table a lil hard and laughed.
"No you know I am ready." I laughed and reached out poking his hand. "I fell for someone who could never love me." I took another drink and sighed. "But it wasn't the worst heartbreak of the last year."
I told him a little about the divorce. How I met him and how it ended. then asked him the same question. Time for his buns to burn a little.
He told me a little, one sided energy exchange kind or relationship. We all have had them. You give all your energy to someone, who cannot or will not ever reciprocate enough to keep your levels at a healthy place. They Inevitably fail because one of the pair goes cold. You cannot give energy and not recharge, You end up with nothing to give and they walk away with it stuffed in their reserves for the next conquest.
We went back to where I am staying and sat on the back patio had a good smoke and went silent for a bit. Goofy glazed and just sitting with our heads bent back lookin up at the sky enjoying the sound of the water and wind thru the palm trees, giggling every once n a while at the randomness of the thoughts being expressed so comfortably.
"I just miss this," he said and looked at me. "Someone to just hang with, and to come down with after long days." His accent making his words seem a little more unreal.
"I know, me too." I turned and looked at him over my glasses and smiled "But everyone has their own idea of what that means. Right now for me its exactly what We are doing right now for the most part." I rolled slowly onto my left hip toward him and nudged em' a little. "I am not out here to play any games. I am not in a hurry, but I am also too old to waste my energy on anything that isn't even partly consistent. So I'm poking around to see what fits. Just keep that in mind."
He laughed and even it had a accent. This I had to laugh at. He pulled me over and wrapped his arms around me and sighed.
"It's good." He just stroked my hair.
I like this one, he is out of the norm for me physically but mentally seems to be almost spot on. We will see how it goes. Spending and taking our time. So much else going on.
He is on his way over tonight. Gonna truly curl up on the couch and watch a movie. No barriers, no expectations, no pressure.
Well I hope a little pressure. Just a little...
Stay open my friends!
Lilith
)O(
No comments:
Post a Comment