It is also what was wrong with the people whose opinions I had been giving credence to. It was also with who I felt i should want that kind of Validation from.
I accepted an invitation to go with a guy I had been chatting to for almost 8 months to a Fetish Factory party in West Palm Beach. It was good to see him again. Always gave a warm and welcoming feeling. And always able to talk to him quite freely. He picked me up in his very cool Mercedes and drove me to west palm to the party.
My night. however began earlier that day. I had set up 2 meets. Some would call them First Dates. I would not. One for lunch at TeeJay's in Wilton Manors for sushi, the second, Same location but a dinner time run. Neither showed. oddly I was not at all upset about it. A mix of the recent weeks making me more able to deal with being rejected and the fact I am really just not expecting much from anyone in that regard anymore. I will make effort for a while then, I back off and let them make the effort.
I went shopping and got some food, then got ready for the Fetish Factory party. Thanks to my Friends, whom I have mentioned in my old blog as "The Shocker" and "Blue Shirt" I got the corset on and looked in the mirror.
I cried a lil, I didn't recognize the woman looking back at me. Thinner, more confident and sure of herself. I found myself not having to repeat the words in my head I had during my training with my Job.
"Chin up, arms relaxed and at your side, Don't figit with your clothes, and smile."
I was doing it naturally.
The Shocker wanted to go to the store. So I drove him. This was where I experienced something I haven't in a long time.
I turned heads.
ME. I had men watching me as I passed. Some nodding approvingly others smiling right at me and winking. I was ready to take on this event.
So about 9:30... He comes to get me. I will call him CS. The car was the first treat. A Mercedes. Beautiful car and purrs like a kitten. He ironically drives just like HisRoyalRascalness thankfully I learned how to sit without sliding around his car and this one was much smaller, and the seats much deeper. ( love it when a guy drives that way and can do it well)
When we got there, he and I stood having a smoke outside the car watching as people lined up to go in for the event. I confessed I was a lil nervous but not terribly. That it had been a while since I did something that tickled the social butterfly in me like this. I wasn't sure if I was gonna be too talkative.
"Somehow young lady" he said and lit my Cig. "I don't think you will have a problem with that"
No, no I didn't. Why I always seem to fall into a place of "Instant at Home" when around the fetish community I can't tell you. But I did last night. It was almost instantaneous. The people were as varied as the last event. Outfits made of Latex, leather, velvet, and even some completely made up of Electrical tape. The theme was "Red Light" When I asked CS what the dress code was he said
"Just look like a whore."
Done.
I talked to everyone. In the beginning there was a Bald man very sexy in a PVC Kilt who absolutely could not stop looking at me. Nodding when I looked his way, lifting his kilt to tease me with his unclothed package. A man dressed head to toe Cyber Erotic Latex. Who let me squeeze his shiny clad ass every time I walked by. Another who came in just a T Shirt and speedo who Silently followed me around all night every so often coming close and smelling my hair.
CS and I were companions but I watched as he walked about flirting and getting his own gropes and giving them as well. Then we were approached by a couple. A not so, how to not be mean, visually pleasing couple that once they opened their mouths they became less pleasing. But They were asking advice. The male (whose name I seem to have forgotten as well as his wives) was bitching that he can't even get a woman to kiss his wife. I was, by now, 3 tequila sunrises on the side of drunk and Without taking my eyes off him I pulled her to me by her collar and full on kissed her. Turned to him and said:
"Is that better? Feel better about that?"
He nodded and sheepishly they walked away.
I They came in and out of our space all night. But the best was yet to come. I did not ONCE that night feel a ounce of self consciousnesses, The only negative about my body for me that night was the fact the corset I was wearing was a bit to large. it worked. But occasionally I had to go to the bathroom to readjust it and put my tits back in place. One such time I was met at the door by a extremely sexy, towering man, Instantly out his dominant side out and I kinda couldn't help but be played with and play with this guy.
He put me up against the wall and drove his knee between my mine pushing my legs apart and me down onto his thigh. I almost Squealed! He had a vibrator in his pocket and he had me pressed against it. I rode his leg for a spell he kept me close and ran his nose and mouth along my neck, grabbed me by the hair forcing my head back as he did. It was so completely spontaneous and perfect, I came. Not a roaring orgasm. But I had one of them mellow nice lil releases that because of the intensity of the actual play, where we were, and the fact I didn't know him from Adam, made it just fucken perfect.
Yeah, I love the FF parties!
He told me to look for em. So I did. Whenever I went Inside and ran into him I was regaled in some way by him, it was quite amazing exp. But I kept most of my time with my host. CS, Or out side where we could have a Smoke and chat with some cool people too.
CS was the perfect gentleman, He spanked me quite nice at one point. People all round watching. I felt such a mix of emotions. Not a one, was insecurity. And let me tell you, It was nice.
Well there was one moment near the end of the night where I ended up Truly feeling quite dumb. But it was short lived and had nothing at all to do with the party at all.
later later. get to that later...
As I said CS was perfect We hung out and had a bit of play. He made me feel quite, comfy and positive about the night. Perfect gentleman, I do hope do do this again with him. If he will have me! He was encouraging and complimentary. I did not at any time ever think he was patronizing me. He seems a very level headed man. And I like that. I was able to express myself without any expectations from him save what it seems I did. I was open minded and respectful company.
I think O.o Not that he complained... He said I was a very easy person to be around. He even said I am quite "Girly". Not sure how to take that. Never saw myself as girly, But then I have been so heavy for so long in my life, with the weight loss I can cross my legs for the first time in my life. Kinda helps ya feel like a lady. He told me I was beautiful and treated me like a one. Was quite perfect. It made for the most perfect ending to the night for me. Exactly what was needed for. But I will get to that.
Later I took a couple who I had met earlier on, Names are not important, Ill call em Jim n Julie. HE is into foot worship, WAM and Wet look like I and we chatted some about that as he rubbed Julie's Feet. Julie was a bubbly outgoing and nice chick with a big smile to match her personality. I had to show her this guy with the vibrating thigh. HE was absolutely Gorgeous on top of it all. And I mean Superman Gorgeous. I was completely astounded he would even initiate playing with me. and when i took her over there to see him he gave her a ride too. Sorta.. He mentioned that he did a mean Dragon Fly Knot. I found myself saying the words.
"Show me" And he did.
I had forgotten what rope feels like on your skin. I love it, he slipped the first bit of rope around my shoulders and began Knotting me up. Arms tied to sides and behind me back of my hands against my ass. Once he was done with that he toyed with me. Ran the remaining bit of the rope between my legs and pulled it up and toward him and kissed me. Nibbling and scratching his teeth and mouth across my neck and ears, pulling my head back by my hair and tasting my neck. I love leg binding. And I wanna exp it again. He untied me and said to come find him later.
I walked away from that and to CS who had only just gotten my Message to come see me get tied up and fucked with. I knew he would like it. I was a little bit distracted after that but full of all kinds of awesome energy and still trembling at the reminder of rope and how good it can feel to be tied up. We schmoozed a bit. And then I realized, I didn't have my glasses. It took me and about 4 other people half hour to find them. I felt so dumb. A girl who asked me for a smoke I turned to her and said "Sure but only if ya promise to let me know if ya find some glasses laying round." Well not a songs leingth later she brought em to me. I was Elated! I was also ready to go. At that point i felt so tired and needed to sleep. I have been really pushing it the last 3 days. I needed to sleep, and CS was also ready to get the hell out of there and into a nice bed.
I had no idea how nice. Big four poster mattress so perfect. This was when he put the icing on the perfect night with a gentleman. He turned to me and asked if I wanted to sleep in the spare room OR sleep with him. I told him I wanted to cuddle, and gave a pout. And we did. That's it, I fell asleep with my head on his chest. Woke to his gentile snoring and went down stairs and made tea. Sat on his back porch and just went over pictures of the previous nights. Replaying the scenes from the night before and really trying NOT to attempt to double click my mouse and get caught doing it. I have done this at HisRoyalRascalness' house. He goes off to the bathroom and I make a quick diddle smelling him all over his bed then rolling over content with a night of sleep in another peaceful place for me.
He's never caught me, or at least hes not admitted he caught me or knew. but that was kinda the point.
I love my friends!
even when they piss me off.
He woke and laid out some things for me to use to shower with. And some baby powder for my after shower needs. *lol* I showered got myself dressed and went down stairs to find him watching ball on the TV.
"Are you hungry? Anyplace out your way good for breakfast?" I was starving. So we drove back toward Wilton Manors and right by a place I had been before. My last trip was the night I wrote about in Letter 17 Of my Intentional Man Of Mystery blog Entitled "Night Terrors". http://letterstomyimom.blogspot.com/2013/07/letter-17-night-terrors.html
The night HisRoyalRascalness about left this world on us. So going there was a bit odd. I had the eggs Benedict he had the usual Pancakes eggs bacon and hash. He dropped me off at home and gave me a big hug. Said we would have to do it again. I am hoping we will.
Now I get home. Tired and full of eggs. And I get a Text. It's was Mr Dragonfly. I dropped my phone when I realized it was him. I really didn't expect to hear or see him at all until the next fetish party. He wanted to play more last night. Said I should have invited him home with me. My internal responce? Wait wait you expect me to say "Nah. I don't want to be able to feel and watch yer hot ass tie me up and spank me on occasion, among other possible things."
OF COURSE I DO.
And I am going to! He is just Gorgeous. And he knows how to tease just fucken right
I have to say The weekend ended quite perfectly. A quick Sandwich Dinner with HisRoyalRascalness. The first time I stood before him and realized. My heart is detached. I don't love him like I did anymore. I had been such a fool. The truth was I was allowing his nature to make me feel inadequate. YEah dumb dumb. I care about him, hes trying some new shit in his world. And I truly do hope he accomplishes his goal. But I do not "Love" him like I did. I feel bad for him in some ways. He will always be a dear friend.
I kinda went on and on about my day he went on and on about some new shit in his life.
Felt back to normal and just right. He looked so good. And he is smiling. I'm glad to be seeing that again. He was also encouraging. Its been quite a few visits with him recently I have left feeling sad. I'm glad to be back to being calm around him again. And so very happy he is getting some of what he needs as well. When I checked my phone later that night at home. He had sent some Pictures from mine to his. He had been saying he wanted them. I didn't realize which ones he meant.
We ate and chatted and I came home early early to Sit about and scratch myself and fart a bit in peace and awesome comfort.
The only constant in life is change!
Stay passionate my friends!
Lilith
)O(
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