Utterly and completely cold.

  I feel so utterly cold.  I've dated a bit in the past few weeks and anything that is said I simply am not able to swallow.   Warm words met by a cold shoulder.     It don't matter if it is a Friendly meet or a Date.  I have to find a way to approach this stuff with less skeptical eyes.

Or not at all.

  I have never been this close to just giving up on relationships of any kind.  Fighting the desire to just vanish.  Tho it seems i already have,  at least to those who meant the most.  I am not asking either.  I am not reaching out.  I am not extending any more olive branches.  I am simply trying to stay on my path without falling into a gutter on either side.   Tho to hear some talk,  i am there already.

I do not deserve any of what has been thrown at me by "family and friends"
I would never have left anyone I called friend alone on Thanks Giving,
I would never have expected a friend to take all the blame for my life's downfalls
I would never have given up a friend.  Stopped talking to them,  because I had a romantic interest.
I do not forsake my friends.  Once I call you friend,  it is what you are,
as you have learned.  you have to walk away.
used to be I would always say my door is always open.
Not so sure about that,  as time passes I am questioning that policy of mine.
I have made my apologies.
I have made my peace.
Now I have to mourn and move on.

This is what is so hard for me....

I really don't want to.  I have been fighting for so long this darkness.  The more time passes even in all the awesome I have accomplished along the way so far.  I just don't want to anymore.  I am tired.  rotting slowly.   if 40 years of my life has yielded what it has to date.  Untrustworthy,  liars,  selfish,  cheaters,  sanctimonious assholes.    People who chew up people and then move on after absorbing the energy from them.

  I sit here literally,  looking around me.  I have a couple friends,  I do,  reality is,  once yer spent everyone will walk away.  Maybe they try and come back when you have recharged and they sip from ya again.

I never go back

 Only time I ever did was my Husband.  He hurt me hardcore over and over.   But I went back.  Lesson learned.  It wont happen again.

Moving on to the next zone.

Loading Please Wait

I have no one i can talk to about any of this.   It has to sit in my stomach and stew.  The only friend I have i wont talk to about it because he is a neutral peice and its not his problem.  So,  It sits here in my gut and stews.    if I talk here i will seal the fact that these people want nothing to do with me.
Based on mostly lies..
Based on one side of the story.
Based on half truths.

Retarded High school Click Bullshit.

My Mistake was moving here and expecting a community that is supposed to be so open and tolerant to tolerate me.

Oopse!

I forgot,  tolerance only of your own kind.

Sounds quite republican to me.

Stay Motivated My Friends
)O(