No one can follow

Where I go,  I go alone
no one can follow
what I learn I learn on my own
it's something no one else can swallow.

I don't know how else to say that,
I've given up on those who I said I never would
I've moved on from what I said I would stick with.


That's kinda how life is hey?  Tonight was an odd night I felt my walls still up but it let me experience people and things on a safe level.  It also reiterated to me a simple truth.

I am not made for this world.


there is no trust in me anymore.   I don't want any.  I don't want anyone,  anything.   I just don't Want anymore.

It's odd,  I went to this event and everything was meh.   It was entertaining in part.   But on a whole,  I found myself for a moment longing for people I could not reach for.  And it froze  me more.   At one point I took a whipping.  A good one,   other than the sting of the leather for the brief moment i felt it.  That was all I felt.   No arousal,  no emotion,  nothing.  Sealed in me the knowledge I really am done.

  I loved what I could not hold
I cared for what could not care for me
I have done this for so long

I am empty,  and I have no idea if I can recharge.

I also found.  I could care less how things turn out anymore.

I just don't care.  Even the physical pain of the flogger,  it didn't touch more than my skin.

I had hoped it would help me at least cry.

I guess it's just as well.  I have no use for my emotions right now.  they have done nothing more than cause damage.  I don't need em anymore

I am good,  without them,  without the complication.   I also feel as if I deserved it a bit.  After all,

I am the cunt who let him go free right?

No one can follow,
I go alone
It's just as well,

Stay real my friends

)O(
Lilith