I am really fucking hurting right now. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I keep on waking up every day and pushing for what I want in my future. I have no one, friend or otherwise to share it with. Not really. My biggest sadness right now is all the things that are happening with me I cannot share with those I wanted to so badly. Everything from Dr. Who, to my new job, To the book that is now in a publisher's hands.
I am not angry, however, I realize whether right or wrong. The emotions other people are feeling concerning me are real. Just sad people talk among themselves about me, rather than to me. The adult way is to not take what a person says as gospel truth. To realize the truth lies somewhere in the middle between what people are saying on the situation.
How dare I expect adult behavior from adults..
The past week has been rather stupendous. Like I said my book is now in the hands of not just one Publisher but 4 different ones. I am not expecting it to be accepted. I am however expecting to learn more of how to better it from their take on it. So I can refine it.
I have met a few nice friends. I went fishing for the first time in over a decade this last week. I dunno if Tom realizes that it was so wonderful for me. I had forgotten how wonderful it was to do and how relaxing and therapeutic it was. We have plans to go again and I cannot wait!
I have not smiled like this in forever.
I am simply doing as I should have from the beginning. Not what a friend of mine says is best. "Not giving a fuck" I don't believe for a minute that is how to live. When you don't give a fuck, it's easy for you to simply throw people away. I am simply caring about what is most important first.
Me
I am not giving up on any of them. I am just focusing on not giving up on me.
Stay Focused My Friends!
)O(
Lilith
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