Back in the saddle

 Well,  settled and making friends.  Learning, AGAIN, to live.   Or maybe,  just continuing the lessons?   So far I have made 3  New friends.   All male tho most of the people I Know would say it's no surprise.  Always seem to connect with men easier than women.    One has become a interesting new eh...  Interest.

  Mid as well pick up where I should have left off in the first place.   The night HisRoyalRascalness said to me.

"Now this is how you should make them all treat you after me.   The next one, I mean."

Aye aye captain!  I am.  feels good to slip on those knee high sneakers and head out for some fun.  Dating.  Really and truly dating.   Re-establishing myself here in the Tampa area and meeting new people.  NOT As hard as I Felt it could or would be.  I always seem to hit the ground running.  Even if I am not sure I have the strength to.

  I Have learned that doubts are not a bad thing.  Just a way of your mind getting you to think before you act.   I plan on utilizing this to the max.

It's not just dating either.  Simply meeting and smiling.  NOT giving a fuck what people think.  Letting my light shine as it is and not being afraid of how the light pierces the darkness.    Just letting it shine.

 *Rips at the ground under her digging a hole big enough for her and her silky black tail to fit wiggling into place and smiles.  Tail twitching wildly tossing her hair about as it flies by her head.*

   MINE!  Found it it's mine.  Also found myself.  Realized what I was for so long and couldn't see.  Stubborn and scared,  but rightly so.   He knew how to get a scared kitty to offer her belly.

Time and patience and never giving up.  Slow n steady wins the race.

 I really have spent so much of my life as a roaming kitty.   To Afraid to really just give in.  Really have found someone who will catch me if I give a lil more than I thought in a place and loose my balance.

He knows the dance....

Peace and calm,  I  see the real thing in the near future. Serenity in surrender.   The peace in passivity..    Lilith isn't a lost kat anymore.   Lilith is found.     Home is where your heart is,  Lilith's heart is home.

I wrote this over 4 weeks ago.  While in a different situation,  With a different person.  What I realized quite recently.  It wasn't at all about him.  It was about me.   I am at home in me.  The he, in the situation changes.  But I am good with or without.   With I am much more balanced,  the key is finding the one that balances with parity in mind!  Lilith has found that,  in herself and now is finding it in others.  Kinda cool isn't it?

  I am sewing up loose ends,  cleaning up old messes and finding myself in a state of order I haven't seen in a long time.  I know where everything is,  mentally emotionally, and even physically.   It's nice to know that when things go wrong.  Makes messes less a mess and more manageable!   But if you know me you know I need some chaos.   I let that come from the people in my life.  My space order they can be all the chaos they want.  Even in my space because I got that nailed down.

  Solitude has been the best thing for me.  For a long time was just my parents.   Odd but welcomed experience.   My dad, tho not shown in words,  was happy to have me around.  Mom just so sick I was in that position again.   She was also glad to be part of me stepping out of that darkness finally.    For her to see me doing it on my own power and to now be living under my own power.   She is feeling the same sense of relief I am.   Then once I found this place other than the roommates who were school age guys.  21 and 25.   Mostly gone and gaming when home so I never really saw them.  So when I first came to Tampa I was allowed to "settle".   Still one more surgery to go,  a lot of pain still.

  I have begun working on my body first off since the mind is in check.  In the last 3 months after being out of the chair for 5 now,   I have started back on my paleo diet.  Loosing the weight I gained being in the chair.  Surgeries are done,  DONE, no more it feels like a lifetime since the first one.  2013.   Basically I make the Concerted effort to eat food that has not been processed in any way other than butchered or harvested.   Once I can get a fishing pole I wont even buy fish anymore.   Unless I just have a hard time catching!

 Space?  I found the best little place on a lake in the Tampa Florida area.  Gated community.  Family houses.   Neighborhood watch type place.  Peaceful and calming.  I get the Cotton Candy on blue felt backdrop sky here often.  I love it!  The roommates are keep to yourself types and I like that.  All gamers like me so we get the whole disappear into your room for hours talking to the air kinda behavior!

  It really is a great arrangement.

  As Far as my social and love life.  Always a snowball down a hill.  Usually breaks into smaller pieces regularly and causes bigger ones in its wake.  Me, Myself and I making a new ball of my own.  Lather, rinse, aaaand repeat.

  But I have a odd feeling I am in a solid ball for a bit here.   Something is clicking, sliding into place and locking down.   There are Someones.  Yes someones.  More details will come later.  But for now I can only go as far as I have felt my own way into them as partners in this roll down the hill, tho it is feeling more like a slide right now.    I will introduce them in the order I met them.   Only Fair,   And that start's with;

Sir Morpheous,   People will want to call him my Master.  HE will want me to call him my Master.  Rarity that is.   Sounds so "I Dream Of Jeanie"  Not that it won't happen.  It is a special occasion thing for me.  But of all the men who have heard it from me in the past oh,  year,  you deserve it Most.  More than all combined.   Tolerance, acceptance and understanding in Droves.   We have not and more than Likely will not Ever share the same space.  I am spice in his life where it is otherwise lacking.  Pepper is good for that! (Pepper will be explained in full later)   But still do share space in the coolest possible way.  A Father figure and a beacon for Pepper,  For Lilith, for me.   (yes I typed and still see BACON for beacon as I write this so I need breakfast!)  You bring to the rigid nature of BDSM the lighthearted nature Gus did in things when I was a younger woman.  You make me feel that younger woman again.    You Soften the Shell.

And Mojo, I met him at a gig,  not sure who brought him or why he was there.  But he got on a dance Dressed as a demon and was a minion too be!  I just didn't know it then.     Since I  saw him at a place I "DJ" at make spare change for needs like coffee...  *BIG SMILE*  This Dutch boy continues to surprise me with his adoration and passion.  The more he sees of me good and bad he wants more.  The more of that willingness to please and be close to me the more I am willing to share.  It kinda works that way huh?   Slow and steady wins the race! He has grown on me this one,  Very deeply,  he has become my One.  What I had always hoped to be to my Sir,  His One.  That is how love is given and spread.   I could see myself sharing the same space with this one.  I look forward to it even.

Keipas I met most recently,  I feel his pain in a large way.  Where he is in his life and Marriage I feel and know all to well.  When I took him on,  a kinky German guy with a huge desire to please.  I have a unique love of the German language mostly due to the first man to call me his submissive and own that right.     I love this guy differently than Morpheous or Mojo.  But I love him all the same.  I fear I cannot give him the love he wishes tho.  I hope I am wrong.  I hope he Understands him being married I cannot fall in love with him.  Not as I have Mojo.


  So I have settled in a way I never thought I could.  In my physical space a nice quiet place with occasional well needed chaos.  My heart Space I settled in a little group of people.  Friends, there are those too.  Lost some in the past couple years but gained quite a few too.   A Group of hippies that live on what I call "The compound" have become regular visitors and visitees of mine.
Roommates who have added a lot of character to my world.   Not to mention my own influences in all of this.  My writing and my Music and my own style.   I have learned once and for all the truth in the idea.  

"Let your light shine and the moths that dig yer glow will flock to you,  the ones not meant will simply fly off where they belong."

Stay Persistent my friends
)o(
Lilith