It can be, some times it can be more deafening than any sound can be. It's those moments you hear the doubts, the sirens singing them to you so loudly, it is almost impossible to distract.
Distraction, someone once told me that it is essential to being happy. HE also admitted he tended to over indulge in it. I am thinking a lot of him lately. Funny how once you are left without someone you see more of them than you could before.
He would say it was "Not being able to see the wood for the Forrest." Or was it trees, I cannot remember. IT was on his wall and I stared some days for a long time at that piece of art. Wishing I could own it. Telling myself when I published my first book I would buy him something I owed him and offer him a obscene amount for it. I thought it was a brilliant peace. But then only a piece of his brilliance.
Why is he so in my thoughts right now? Because I have been reminded and am repeatedly reminded of him thru a distraction of my own. Well, two distractions. My Writing, which has taken on a new life in the Fiction I have begun to sew together from Notes I have written over the past few months. Notebooks and pieces of paper scribbled.
The other? A show I started to watch. Da Vincis Demons. A take on Leonardo DaVinci's Life and work. His mind and how it worked. The story line is very well done. What is even better done is the actor who plays Leonardo. I see so many of the above mentioned person In this character I want to cry. The intelligence and the vision. Tho I think he believes I never really listened when he spoke of his ideas for his machines. I did, It was his banter about them that has inspired the huge machines and mechanisms that are starting to fill the pages of my fiction. I refuse to use Magic to explain how things run. It must be Mechanics. Even if a stretch in places.
Life has calmed to a almost uncomfortable place. It borders on ridiculous. I refuse to believe I have come to an age where I have to slow down THIS MUCH. Maybe it's not slowing down that is the problem. It's the fact I am slowing down and there is no one around I care to walk with. Friend or otherwise. Family is important. But friends, they are just as important. If not more so.
Surgery. A Third is scheduled for the 13th of June. The first surgeon left a bone in the doctor says must be removed. It pushed down through the bottom of my foot. So, hopefully, this will be the last of it's kind. *Knock on particle board*
I am safe and comfortable, Mobile and healthier. I am in a better state than I have been in many years. It feels good, even in the deafening silence.
Stay Connected My Friends
)O(
Lilith
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