Been a while since I was able to put myself infront of this computer and actually articulate for any length of time. Many reasons, most of which are really not necessary to share. The biggest reason is this. I have begun to tie up loose ends and put into action a plan I started in motion more than five years ago. The White Rabbit is going live... First is a radio show I will be doing on a regular basis only thing left is the program needed to pipe through live callers. I am working on getting the money together to purchase it and then I will be able to do it. Right now I am going to have to record the calls and then play them on the air. So bear with me while I work out the tech issues. For those of you interested in listening in or sending in comments while I am on for me to read on the air you can send them to me on FaceBook, or Skype @ djpeppermintpatty IF you do not wish your name be read on the air. Let me know otherwise you will be put on blast! This show is a In your face no holds barred truth about not just "The Truth" but about the disorders that are created by mind control cults and other kinds of abusive situations. You can tune in by computer or phone URL link: http://sl2.streamhood.com:8030
On your computer click the link and on the black screen click the blue listen link a file will Download called "listen.pls" OR Just copy the link and past it into your winamp or media player on your pc (I prefir Winamp) and it will be saved for future use. Winamp: http://download.cnet.com/Winamp/3000-2141_4-10251792.html Phones: Just download VLC from the Google Play store (Free) and click the link it will automatically open for you ;D Be warned, it is not safe for work I have watched and listened for many years to the other Ex JW's on the internet after I stopped making my videos on You Tube and Seen all the same thing. Drudging upo all the evils and the negitives in the organization. People keeping themselves shackled to the hurt and demons they had to face while in even tho the locks were undone. It still is going on. People being thrown out of their homes at very young ages, left destitute because of their inability to adhere to the rediculous rules The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society puts out to it's members. For me however, it is not just about us Ex JW's or those who are newly exiting or Thrown out as I was at 17. No where really to go but to those friends who I was told were evil and only there to corrupt me. It is about any and all who are shunned, kicked out and otherwise left destitute because of thier Ideals, beliefs or even sexual preference being unacceptable to thier family or supportsystem. So this is what I am going to try to do, and yes, I am looking for help from those who are willing to give thier time, Anonomous is about attacking and bringing down, The Vast Apostate Army is about toppling the Watch Tower, The White Rabbit, It is about healing and finding shelter in the war that those two factions are waging in our behalf. The Rabbit Hole is the Red Cross for the people left with broken legs, I want to find a way to help those people. And it is only with the help of those who have healed, who have been through the battles already and are now standing and see that there is a world worth embracing that it will happen.
Refined version of Rabbit by Roman Doodle (facebook)
So while I take care of the leagal side of things I ask those who know me and would like to take part to contact me... I wan't those who see the rabbit, on a T shirt, a bumper sticker, a button, or a hat to know they can approach whoever is wearing it and say;
"Hey, this is my story, I need some help, can you direct me where to go?"
And this is not about spiritual help, religion or God. This is about whoever is wearing it to be able to even give a website address or a phone number and tell them to leave an email or even a Message. And there be a network of people who know in the city that person is where they can go for for many reasons.
Ex JW
Ex Mormon
Ex Catholic
GLBT
Anyone shut out for being "different" or Questioning what they are being taught.
I remember how it was for me. Alone, two garbage bags, a park in my home town. No money, no food, no where to go. I want to help others to not be in that spot. No matter the reason. (whithin reason)
The more
things go on the more I have to laugh at how prophetically things have moved
along. Things are just as we were told it would be. When I say
"we" I mean all of us who left the organization and found ourselves
in this moment in time watching things happen and seeing the truth of what they
said happening before us. We also know it is a self fulfilling prophecy.
It happened to the Greeks and their gods, to the Mayans and their
gods, Egyptians, Romans, need I go on?
We
like to use anthropomorphism a lot, We do it with cars or any kind of
vehicle;
"We'll have HER up and running again in no time!"
We
do it with Storms and problems too. It is also an effective literary tool
because it explains the place a person is in and can invoke emotion and thus
help the reader experience it more completely,
So why is
it so hard for people to grasp that it is totally possible that we have done
this with things we have not yet found, will not accept, or are too lazy
to search for the answers to. Give an image to the things out of
our control. Of course we would do that. Humans love a good scape
goat!
God
is the ultimate scape goat, real or not, THAT’S not what this is about,
In all that I have seen and experienced. He is an escape goat.
He gets the blame for all the bad and evil in this world. Then in
the next breath God will get kudos for anything wondrous or good that has happened.
Completely negating every inch of the blame mankind should
shoulder for the mess they are making, and then sucking up all the credit OF
THE hard work and sacrifice of the good and amazing mankind is doing to make it
happen!
What the fuck kinda shit is this? God, ok, now on the subject
of if he is real or not? To use a term my uncle's would.
Piss on
the pot or get off.
No matter how many different religions or spiritual beliefs I look
at I still see the same thing. This invisible and illusive figure who
promises salvation if you will believe in him and do as he says is right,
or he will punish you in some way, If pleased he will shower you
with utopian bliss. The only proof we are offered is what we need to
still take on faith means the image "WE" created is what it is we
would expect if he/she/it/them/ happened to appear before us. Not just
physically but in all ways. Personality and temperment included.
The most unbelievable thing people cannot seem to realize is.
He
looks a lot like us. On-all-counts.
I
always loved the fact that the Greek gods were only strong because the people believed
in them... Once the people stopped praying to them, they became
weak and vulnerable.
Just
a thought.
We
have been told from early on, when we were Jehovah's Witnesses, that as it came
to the last days more and more apostates would be attacking "The
Truth". Well... I just laugh at how this must be holding
some of them in "The Truth". We, some of us at least,
see that this whole damn thing is not fortold but more, the only
way it could have ended for A fanatical religious cult. Logic will always
win over fanaticism. It May not seem like it at the time.
The problem is, it is always the Fanatic that tries to "Take people
with them".
I am really just floored at some things I have been finding on the web
recently. New recordings people have taken at Judicial Committees,
Public Talks, Elder's Meetings, and out in field service.
People who are in The Organization but see what it really is. People who
are bravely showing TTATT (The Truth About The Truth). These are real,
I remember the experiences. One audio clip was of an Elder
literally saying they do not need to do it the Governments way. Saying
they were "Above the Law". But not in those exact words.
They do believe that as well. They just tolerate it because
it is to them "A Necessary evil".
The
realities of this religion are insane once you really do start to dig and
really LISTEN and HEAR what they are saying.
I was born
in so here are some harsh realities about "The Truth" and what
Jehovah's Witnesses Believe.
1. If you are not one of Jehovah's Witnesses you will not live in their
Paradise. You will be destroyed with the rest of the world at Armageddon.
This is illustrated in how we used to pick houses out in field service (Knocking
on your doors to talk to you about The Good News) That we would live in
after you were killed after Jehovah exacted judgment on you.
I
myself had many fantasies of kids in high school who picked on me a lot burning
and me just smiling as it happened because they were getting what they deserved
at judgment day.
Yeah,
THINK about that one lust a bit.
2. Only
144,000 will be going to heaven. All other Faithful JW's will live in
paradise earth.
3. The
Governing Body in Brooklyn Bethel is the mouth piece of God's word to them with
the literature along with their OWN translation of the bible. No other
religious literature or reading is allowed.
4. No
Questioning the word as it is put forth by The Governing Body in New York City.
(The board of the Publishing Company that makes the magazines and
literature)
5. They do
not pay to produce the magazines and literature, Most of it including
materials is gained through Watch Tower run Voluntary Labor. That’s
right. They Jehovah's Witnesses Volunteer to work in the factories and fields.
Room and board and a small personal need stipend. At least last I
knew.
7. The
Publishers and Pioneers pay for the literature before they take it into the field.
I am not, as of yet, sure if it is required to do so or not. But I
know it is how they do it. I also know any unused Magazines must be
returned other wise. I would be interested to know more about current
practice in this regard.
8. Gas for
field ministry comes out of the publisher's pocket. No reimbursement for their
money on gas. I have watched my mother struggle with this.
9. They
will not accept blood transfusions. They would rather die. Myself,
if it came down to me, and my mother was sick and needed one. I
would tell them not to give it because it was her wishes. No brainer.
Because it is not my wishes that matter, IT is hers and she would not take it,
Her choice. I wonder if the table was turned. And I needed
one, I would want it given, could she abide by mine?
Curious....
10. Yes
there is a problem with Pedophilia in The Organization. They feel they
are above the law. The reality of this truth would shake them at the
foundations. This is why they are screaming "APOSTATE!"
right now. Smoke and mirrors, get the attention off themselves.
Use the trigger words that make the sheep dart in the right direction.
This is what is happening now. It is not apostate lies, we are not
"Making things up"
course you
won’t know that unless ya look will ya? They are kind of banking on
that.
There
are many more. I am just done for now. Think real hard before you
entertain them. You would get a car fax before buying a car right?
Why wouldn't you protect your family's soul in the same way as you would
your family bodies in a car? Look into it, both sides of the
stories. There are fanatics on both sides mind you! Both sides
have people with a "Take them with me" attitude.
My
attitude is, just tell it like you saw and see it. The rest will
come out in the wash.
The Time has come, my little friends. To talk of many things. Of lies and cowards, hypocrites, scribes and pharisees!
Yeah a different way to say it but this Poem has been on my mind an awful lot in the past weeks. So much so that I dug out something I had not realized was buried deep in the few boxes of things I still have after all the moving around I have done the past few years. Disney's Alice in Wonderland.
After, of course, my interest in the poem was rekindled by a movie I watched again for the first time in many years with my husband. Dogma, you know the one with the late George Carlin who plays the kind of Catholic Priest who would bless his own golf clubs to get a better game. Which incidentally is what saves the day in the end. There was a scene in the beginning where The Angel Loki (Matt Damon) is talking to a nun about this specific poem. The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll (http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/walrus.html) The Cartoon is a shorter than the actual poem but always is that way book to Movie.
The conversation in Dogma between Loki and the nun was the first moment in my life I felt the veil truly slip a little. I mean truly. I started seeing things differently. It's not just me, other people see this shit too? The ridiculous fanatical way some people follow religion right over their family, their own health and sanity, even their own lives.
It really is time, I have been stuck on the project for some time. I have everything I need to finish it, and I have been procrastinating. I have posted small parts online which I will now remove and get to work on the final product. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. But now, I am. Terrified and excited, but I am tired of holding back a dream because people who tie conditions to their love anyway will get upset with me.
I am going to write my story.
So if you do get upset, make sure what it is you are really upset at. Now this isn't an easy task, believe me I know. Took me years to stop hating my family and blaming them for some of the things that happened that were not in my control, or were my own fault entirely. Once I knew where to place the blame, I refocused. Only problem is, some of the things I say, really hit nerves. Because it is truth. I know you read my blog. So you already know, I wont hide the shit I did either. In looking back however, I know also I was a teenager. Sneaking out, fibbin about smoking, drinking, lil' pot? I had a lot of rage in me. I will explain why too. These are from memory re sketches of something from my memory during what I think was my late sophomore early junior year. It adjusted my view on the world so dramatically, there was no way it wouldn't change me forever.
I think the first truly horrendous thing I can remember doing was close to the end of my Junior year I got piss drunk and went to school. Had it all chilling on my window sill before I went to bed the night before. cup full of beer, cup full of wine, and something else but I cannot for the life of me remember.
I ate breakfast and downed it all. I was wasted before I got to school. I don't remember much. I remember parts of Homeroom. I made it to a Study hall mid morning before the Vice Principle (I won't even try to spell his name). came to collect me after the class.
*An old highschool Mate just informed me its Mr Periczak*
He shouldn't have looked me in the eye man,
I saw him peg me with his eyes and for some reason I ran straight down the ramp to run past him. If I remember we both went down. I was a pretty big girl in High School. Always have been! Anyway, I'm gonna tell all of it, from my view. So if you think that you can handle my view of you at every moment we have known each other. Then please read. And not just my view of our interactions but also of everything else around me. It is my right to write. I can, and I will.
Was just Part of what had started snowballing long before I put those booze on my window. I think it started with the birth of my brother for me. Only I wasn't so aware of it until later. My memory is odd. I remember a lot of my child hood before 8 or 9 then kinda foggy then 15 16 17 it clears into a vivid array of Color... I am simply going to talk.... I'm not really sure what to expect. What I do know, is that it seems to work with blogging. Maybe it will work that way too.
If I'm not here so much, blogging, know I am busy with that. But I got a feeling, There will be frustrations ignited. I will need to vent!
Signed sealed and final.. I am now Mrs Branco. Second marriage, shocking a lot of people who have known me for more than 5 years. Ironically we didn't plan to do it when or how it was done. But the opportunity presented itself, so we took it.
My first was full of show and frivolity. This time, it was 2 min long and witnessed by some people waiting in line at the clerks office. A few were happy to see it others were looking at their watches angry it would be taking more time to get seen themselves. We had not planned necessarily on doing it that day, mused about it some but nothing serious.
I was glad it was simple and quick. Our Roommate Leonard Actually paid for the ceremony because they would not let us split payment between a card and cash. For that we both were very thankful. We went that weekend to....
What the fuck, why can't I write... with the passion I want to about this? It's not that the passion isn't there it is. It's because my passion is consumed a bit by something completely Different. IT's all BLA BLA BLA about the wedding and all I can think of is,
Why now?
Why after months of a good relationship with my mother and father, why after so much time spent again trying to rebuild a bridge is it now back to this point. The point were the other day I simply told her in text the 2 top reasons I wont be a witness anymore and closed that chat program with a huge sigh thinking to myself;
"Yes mom, the end IS near. You are getting old, Daddy is getting old. Our whole life has been one big in and out of each others lives because of that crazy cult and you cannot see it... Because you think I am going to destroy your faith in "God" and therefore your chance at life forever in paradise."
I know it's as hard for her to wrap her head around my refusal to be a part of "The Organization" as it is for me to wrap my head around her ability to see she is part of a religion that even refers to itself as Not just "The Truth" but they call it "The Organization" too. This same Religion saying that god is going to put a end to organized religion. To FALSE RELIGION. But that they are different from all the rest the only "Organized Religion" that is chosen by God.
Why do I feel a little like I am watching a dog chase it's tail? I got to really thinking about it. When things are going well. When I am happy, and it is obvious that the hardships I am going through do not immediately send me back into the arms of the love bombing members of The Jehovah's Witnesses, that is when it happens. There is always a justifiable reason however. This time around it was her seeing i speak out about the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society. Been doing it for years, so this is the reason she chose as the cover story as to why. Justifiable, at least by their view. It is an Apostate sort of language. The kind that might sway a believer to dig deeper and find out more about what the WTBTS is really doing and what they are about. Therefor they WARN them to not listen to us. But the real reason?
When you are a Witness you are taught there is no happiness outside "The Organization" That without Jehovah, meaning The meetings, Field service, assemblies, book studies. You Cannot be happy. Because everyone outside of The Org is in Satan's grasp.
So this fact, my outspoken nature on my face book and the internet even tho it has been years of be doing so, along with the new awake Magazine On The practice of Disfellowshipping (see link below) My mother has decided to shun me again.
This means no more contact. In the past this meant they would walk right by me in the store as if they did not see me:
Things that would get people Disfellowshipped are things ranging from Adultery, gambling, and masturbation to simply questioning the organization and how they do things or how they Interpret
the Bible Or even as i did question their policy on how to handle a child molester.
Right when my life has started to settle. Suddenly, I am told I am told I am bitter, and that there are decisions to be made. That my life style and choices make it impossible for her to watch me do it anymore.
Lifestyle choices... Hmmmmm...
I don't "Celebrate" Easter Christmas Thanksgiving or any of those holidays.
I don't do Drugs (I do not classify a Sprinkle of pot in the morning so my toes will flatten out and my legs will stop hurting well enough to let me walk around and get my day going as using drugs.) I don't use Meth or Heroine or any other of those kinds. I don't even drink Heavily. I drink less than most JW's do.
I am Married and working Day to day to survive like the next person.
I do struggle with cigarettes
SO what lifestyle could she mean?
OH! I know.
Sorry mother, I will not stop speaking out about the Policies and Procedures that keep Pedophiles comfy and active within the walls of The Organization. I will not Stop speaking out about the lies and deceit that have utterly convinced me so many people are giving their time, energy and money to an Publishing Company who allows its "Sales Reps" (Publishers & Pioneers) to live in consistent Financial hardship while they buy Mansions in Europe and the Caribbean. While those 7 men (or is it 6 now) sit getting fat and rich on the money the "Sales Reps" send them for the magazines and literature they don't even have to pay for the labor to create. While they are spending their money one Material things and LAWSUITS because finally some people are coming forward and holding the org accountable for Covering up and hiding the identities of Pedophiles within The Organization. A Practice that allows for a offender to molest GENERATIONS of Girls in a family...
So if this is a problem, Speaking truth about such a grievous act as misleading people in this manner and trying to keep it from happening to even one more person as it has happen to me and YES even to you. Then so be it. And if I am honest, I am not at all surprised and still a little ashamed that my family couldn't have the balls to put him in Jail. To get him and the girls he hurt some help.
It's OK. Remain Complacent. That's how a good sheep is. Simply stands in line for sheering, gets it done and wanders off shivering into the cold barn deaf dumb and blind to the fact it was robbed of what it needs to stay warm. Or at least used to it happening and just dealing with it because it does not think it has any other choice if it is to live.
So when a person is happy "out here", which is what they call it. "Out in the world" It has a varied effect on people in The Organization. Some figure it's just fake, a show so that the "Lost sheep" can hide his unhappiness from the people he loves and "Show them how wrong they are." Some withdraw completely their support. As stated in the above article. When a person is disfellowshipped they loose all they had as friends and family for support. Emotionally, Financially, spiritually. Basically you become a ghost. My father drove/walked right by me several times and didn't even look at me. Acted like I didn't even exist. The woman in the last paragraph of the article I posted above said it in a very diplomatic way.
"In the long run Despite the pain it brings good results. Had I been tolerant of my son's Bad conduct he would never had recovered." March 2015 Awake Magazine
Let me elaborate, Basically, they cut him off. All of the family and friends he was conditioned to believe were the only ones he could trust. All others outside of The Organization are "Evil and in Satan's Control" Those he trusted Cut him off in all ways of support. They ignored him.
Need a ride to work in the rain? Too bad yer disfellowshipped
Need some food? Too bad yer Disfellowshipped
Need a place to stay? Too Bad....
You get the idea. So no wonder so many youth go back to The Org after being Disfellowshipped! They are scared to death! Wouldn't you agree?
(Applause)
Now I am not saying ALL of the JW's are this way. Some are not quite as fanatical. If I was Destitute my parents would come through for me. the shame is. That is all they know about me. They only know me as the daughter that is in trouble, Never mind the years in between when things were good They didn't know that woman because they wouldn't associate with me. This is because like good sales men they are taught to hit hot buttons. Find the right spots to hit to grab a persons attention and make them easier to convert.
In the ministry school, we are taught as we approach a house to notice things in the yard, Are there toys? Signs on the lawn against a current war or evil in the world? Religious symbols of any kind?
God forbid there was any indication there was a death in the family. Like any good sales person they will use this information to "Sell" their product. They will play heavily on those who have lost a loved one, who are sick or who are anguishing over the state of the world affairs.
So when a Disfellowshipped or non believing family member is in dire need. Comes to a funeral for a family member at a hall. Or generally is in a bad place, this is when the "Love Bombing Starts. But if when things clear up for the person and they do not embrace "The Truth" it goes back to where things are now with my Parents and I.
"We are on separate paths, the end is near and decisions need to be made, I love you, but I love Jehovah more." and that's where it ends.
We, My Husband and I, are finding our feet and able to get things done in our world. Coupled with the fact that I refuse to stop speaking out about the bad that The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society does has made it so she cut me and my new husband off.
They are conditioned to believe there is no happiness outside of The Organization. Well I hate to burst your bubble. But life is life inside or out. The only difference is.
In, your mind, money, time, and future belong to 7 rich men in New York.
Out your mind, money, time and Future are YOURS to create!
Its funny to me, Even after all these years of freedom from The Organization how hard it is for people inside to see what they have become.. Zombies, robots, people who were told they have no soul. They believe they are Soulless. Slaves to "Gods Organization"
I was born into The Organization in 1974, the year before the world was supposed to end. I remember being very young. Hearing my mother joke about it;
"We didn't plan on her making it to kindergarten," A chuckle and a smile tightening her lips around words that seemed painful to her "but now she is in first grade!"
The people around her laughing in the same way. Aunts and Uncles.. her brothers and sisters. Seven in all, all but 3 at the time were in the "Truth", True members of God's Organization. As a child her smile and giggle was seen by me as joy! Soon! I will have my pet Elephant!
As we grow older, the things once held dear, can out themselves as Foolish and Unreasonable later in life. Now, When I look back and see and hear her My adult and more educated mind cringes. In all the love I felt as a member of The Organization, the smiling faces, the warm hugs, the helpful congregation of "true Christians". It wasn't long before The Baptism of Stains began.
I don't know what it is that made US different? What made us, the many who did see what harm The Organization does. How were we blessed with eyes that saw the trolls lurking in the "tween spaces", Ears that heard the whispers of deceit and demoralization? Those evils that the others seemed happy to either accept, ignore, or grow completely blind and dumb to? How were our minds opened? It took YEARS to learn to ask that question, and learn to stop asking the question.
I have come under attack from both sides. Interesting to say the least. On one side, the JW side I am being told I am bitter, and that I have not been able to let things go. Because I post funny pictures that help me see the bright side of the bad side to the result of me deciding I didn't want to be a part of "The Organization" And because I still speak out about the policies and procedures that allow pedophiles to continue to abuse children within its walls.
On the other side I have been called an Apologist because, as I stated in my last blog, (http://rambleonrose1974.blogspot.com/2015/02/before-i-continuesteadfast-with.html) I separate the actual Jehovah's Witnesses from The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Because I do not hold all of a group accountable for the bad actions of a few.
It pains me to see Ex JW's who hold on to the "US and THEM" thinking, the Black and white mentality that keeps so many in this world from exploring the true wonder it holds. I see Blanket statements from both sides.
"Atheists are all just angry people with no moral compass"
"JW's (or religious people for that matter) Are all just judgmental arrogant mindless and brainwashed."
NO AND NO.
That's like saying all Gay men and Effeminate Or all Effeminate males are gay! Blanket statements... Lumping all people in a group into one judgement because there are a few bad seeds.
There are pedophiles who are atheist, and there are Religious people who are Non Judgmental! After an argument of sorts with my mother which basically meant I was informed I was bitter and needed to wake up before it was too late. (meaning I was going to die at Armageddon which is right around the corner as it has been as long as I can remember.) Actually they said the end was coming in 1878,1881,1914,1918, 1925 and 1975 The year after I was born.
I sat thinking, Since I was 17 for reasons both my own and my parents there has been a open and slam policy with the door to their lives. Those who know me, those who have spent more than a year in my life know this. They have seen it. Hot and cold running Parents. Why? In the beginning it was because I was VERY VERY vocal about my anger to them. I was a teenager. I did not know where to place the fear, hurt, and resent meant I was feeling so I landed All of it in their laps. They did not deserve it all. What was happening to us as a family was not all their fault. I held some of the blame, they held some, and The Organization held some.
I had no Idea how to place it. So in the beginning, as a child does, I rebelled. Drinking drugs, sex, parties. I was mean and verbally abusive to my parents at times. And to the elders. I had lost the ability to stuff down the hurt and the anxiety. With my first flash back and surfaced memory of abuse, it shook free all of my ability to control my filters.
As time went on I adjusted my view. I realized the truth of the matter is. If my Parents had not been Jehovah's Witnesses. If they had not been a part of The Organization. The man how molested myself and 2 other members of my family would never have gotten as far as he did. It would not have been hidden long enough for my mother to have called me as recent as the past 10 years to get more info on what happened because the issue had arisen again.
If it were not for the 2 witness rule and the "guidance" given by The Governing Body in the "Shepard the Flock" book The elders are only allowed to see... My Father, My Mother, As much as they love us would have put that man face first in Jail. I saw it in his eyes when we talked about it. My father was pissed. He felt, however, his hands were tied.
If not for the influence of MEN, the Governing Body. If not for the influence of The Watchtower Bible And Tract Society. There would be little or no shunning. There would be fewer cover ups of the pedophiles.. A lot would be different. If they would take only the Bible. Read it. Heed Psalms 146:3 That tells us not to put our trust in man, and 1Timothy 2:5 Stating there is one Mediator between God and Man. Would Jesus have allowed a known Pedophile to continue? Would Jesus have sent him off or warned children to stay away? Or would he have allowed these children to remain in the presence of a predator?
This logic does not stick with most people caught in a mentality of fanatical Religious Nature. Choked by Cognitive Dissonance. Seeing a truth that contradicts something that would shake the foundations of a reality that would mean a lifetime of pain and hurt caused by fallacy. A lifetime wasted? A family torn to shreds by a farce a kin to Jones town?
You got to ask yourself. If it got to that point, would you drink the cool aid? Blindly doing what 7 rich men in Brooklyn tell you is what god says is the proper thing. Or a really Rich guy in Italy. Or some rich guy in Iran who tells you to go suicide bomb some building to get your virgins. It's all the same insanity in my eyes. Letting a man or Men put themselves between YOU and YOUR salvation. Exactly what Psalms and 1 Timothy says is wrong.
Now somewhere in the middle of my marriage I stopped voicing my opinion to my family unless asked. I voiced it among people who had the same views. I did not shove My Ideals down their throats. That went well until recently. Now regardless of how little I myself may attack either side. Because some of the people who are in the "group" I am in I have been lumped in with those who are still bitter. The same people like John Cutright who Removed my Posts because they disagreed with his. Because they were logically an answer to his calling me an apologist because I will not say ALL Jehovah's Witnesses are evil because a few bad seeds. On the JW side I am being told I am bitter, angry and evil because the people who comment on my posts are.
Do you see the ridiculous cycle?
Guess what?
Yer right John, I am an apologist. I apologize for intolerant assholes who cannot see in anything but black and white. I apologize for people who hate because they fear what they do not understand I apologize for the waste of space humans on this planet who just really add nothing but negative and unproductive bullshit to the air.
I apologize. For those of us humans who cannot entertain another Idea and realize it does not have to alter our own if we do not want it. But who also do not realize that if that idea presents a truth that maybe it SHOULD alter our view a little.
That is how we grow and learn to be better humans. So, by all means to anyone who feels the need to remain ignorant and lost in a sea of uneducated and one sided fear of the realities of the world. I am sorry that you could not free your mind of the idiocy that put you there. And I do hope one day you can learn to see the world in color. Black and white is so depressing and boring for me.
I love the color in my world:
There's a lot of things about myself I still have yet to discover. This place, helps me dig even Deeper into who I am and where I can go How far I can push Myself before its no longer beneficial. You will find me in many forms moods and places. The Internet satisfies a need in me to have as much color in my life as possible. I spent most of the first years of my life living in black and white. Choked by *Cognitive Dissonance .
When I walked away from that I decided to take in ALL the color I could. I will answer questions concerning this if you wish to know. But it will also come out in conversation often.
Being as The internet is one of the many places I come to for color that means I also check the colors against my own skin tone. Is it something I care to or would like to wear? Unfortunately, however, i also find that some shades do not keep my interest for long. Others are tattooed on me, permanent displays of my own color. This variety of color comes from many sources. People, places, ideals and Emotions. All examples of Color.
So I make myself a canvas here. Color I like rubbing off on me because i get real close to examine it, too close in some cases. Even the hues that i hate and even regret letting someone smear are treasured reminders of what didn't exactly go with my scheme.
So bring your brushes if you wish and lets see if our schemes blend well on the canvas.
I need to make a distinction for you. So people understand more where I am coming from when I speak about The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society I am not including the people who call themselves Jehovah's Witnesses. This distinction is even enforced now by The Governing Body and their legal departments so that any future legal issue arises in a congregation they can speak truth about themselves for a change, but only to save their own skins. I mean now, if a legal issue arises they can simply claim they are publishing company and separate from each congregations actions. Meaning if your following what is told you by the organization ever causes a legal action against you or your Kingdom Hall You are on your own. IE: If you do not report an allegation of child molestation to the authorities because of any reason;
It will shed a bad light on the organization, I am being pressured by Elders and family to not speak of it for the above reason or I will loose my entire family's love thru "Marking" or "Disfellowhipping" It is an elder who did it and you do not want to chance you and your child's chance at paradise by "Shedding a bad light on Jehovah's Organization" Or, You just plain feel it should be left in Jehovah's hands and to let the Congregation Elders "Shepard The Flock" Because the Elders say so? If it is ever found out, and you know always truth finds its way in. At that point YOU will be responsible, you will be put on trial, Whether or not you were the one who did it.
You Knew,
You kept yer mouth shut
You allowed it to happen.
You should be held accountable.
See I don't know, TO some degree yes, But the punishment should fit the crime....
SO Reason number one I separate the WTBTS from The Jehovah's Witnesses:
1: Their own prophets do it.
Note: If you scoff at the use of the word prophet, here let me help ya out..
Prophet:
Yeah so your own prophets do it so I will do it as well this is the number one reason.
THe witnesses really are in for the one reason I do not think religion should be "banned" or "attacked" There is joy in religion, love and hope. There are many who practice religion and are not in any way fanatical. Good and Bad in all things.
The Witnesses simply want what we all want. Happiness and hope for better things. TO be part of something bigger than themselves.
The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society (WTBTS) is a Corporation. The Witnesses are unknowing free sales team to distribute and "get Donations" for them. But if you wanna be real. The followers "Pay" for the literature before they take it out to place. So who really supports this organization?
They believe what they preach. They are good people. But because they do as the Governing Body says and take in no knowledge other than what it is they get from the WTBTS. They do not see the reality of the system they are a part of. The Governing Body tells them to avoid people who know the reality to protect what they have. That's 7 million + world wide giving their time and money to the organization for one simple payment. Promise of everlasting life. Living for ever.
They just want salvation. The WTBTS is sellin it to them.
They however rarely see this truth. Because they have been fitted with blinders by the Governing body. Completely negating what is said at 1 Timothy 2:5 Stating clearly there is one Mediator between God and Man. Jesus Christ. Or Psalms 146:3 Warning not to put your trust in Man to whom no salvation belongs.
So I will reiterate. When I speak about the WTBTS it is different from The Jehovah's Witnesses. Now if you hear me use the word "Organization" from here on out. It refers to both parties at once.
That being said I cannot help that they themselves cannot see the separation the WTBTS has put in place. The same ones who "Prophetically" have over and over again predicted the end of the world causing married couples to delay having children because it would be too dangerous to have screaming child while they are being chased by those who turned on religion. Only to find they have grown to old to ever try. Or, people sold all they had and used their time and money in the field work and trying to save others who had not heard "The Good News" yet before Armageddon came. Leaving themselves and their family's without the means to survive in some cases.
So please in the future, for those of you who are still Jehovah's Witnesses, remember this if you continue to read. Reading this blog is a choice you make. Let it be your choice do not force it on others. I do not do it myself if people cannot handle what I feel and believe. They don't have to. If someone is happy I am happy.
So in that regard to whoever it was who thought they should go ahead and speak to my mother about what I blog about here. Good Job! What a stand up human being you are. She knows I blog and chose not to read it. Because she knows My ideals are different from hers. But also sees me happy that she is happy in what she does. And as sad she cannot do as much as she used to because of her health. I was reconnecting to her in tolerance and understanding. As a daughter as it should be.
I supported her endeavors because I saw the joy it brought her. I would have driven her to meetings if It was needed and I could. Because it makes her happy. Now you, on the other hand, took what I believe and shoved em down her throat. Good job, I hope when you think good about having done it that it has benefited you in some way. Because guess what. It didn't hurt me a bit. You hurt OUR MOTHER. You made her decisions for her, you decided she needed to hear my beliefs even tho she has already known them.
I have been blogging and Vloggin like this for years, and you do this now? Was I to close to her? Were we having a good relationship and you couldn't handle it?
I would love to know.
I Challenge you here and now to come and talk to me. Have some balls and stop using Her to take a swing.
Or are you afraid I just might out gun you?
I will not skip a beat dear. I will remain who I am, respecting others right to their beliefs and exercising mine. Of course I think that is why you have always done this. accentuated others faults to hide or distract from your own. Because you cannot stand I live as I do and am Happy. After all we were told that was impossible right? Not without The Organization.
Remain Steadfast with Integrity my friends.
Lilith
)O(
Well have just realized it has only been 2 years since I left New York and came here to Florida to start a new life after my divorce. All that has happened in that time makes it feel much longer than that. Isn't that how life is anyway. I've taken all the craziness of this time picked out the useful and positive in everything and every one I have met and saved them in my memory as the awesome. The bad, I have drawn the lessons from and saved them for future reference and experience. Putting it simply.
Lived and learned.
I told my mother this a couple days ago. That it's when you stop living. When you give up on the world around you and sink into your head and own bubble that your life truly ends. She is getting old and feeling as if she cannot deal with the world around her. Tho, how much of this is really how she feels. Or what her "Faith" has made her feel is the big question. I remember being in the Organization, how scary and evil everything outside it seemed to me. I also remember how it felt when my eyes were opening and I saw that it wasn't what I had been told at all. There was this odd conflict in my head that made me feel the same as she does now. I closed up into myself for a while. I was very young, so the emotional and mental effects of this really were easier for me to over come. For her, at her age, it really is safer, healthier and more logical that she would simply shut down.
I have seen the Jehovah's Witnesses likened to many things. The Borg, the major antagonist in the Star Trek series. A group of aliens who have developed a Hive Mind, They do not refer to themselves as "I" but "we" because there is no I in their "programming" as they are part Robot. Cyborgs, with the capacity for human thought and behavior but the Cyborg programming not allowing it easily, This parallel is the closest and most spot on I have seen. Now when talking about the organization itself, the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society, the company behind The Jehovah's Witnesses. Matrix is a good parallel. Some were able to be removed from it and adapt accepting the truth about life that was hidden from them in the Matrix. Others when removed completely shut down. Could not accept the realities of life as it really was, and begged to be put back or wanted to Die.
My mother is one who could not be removed and survive, right now she is hanging on by a thread in this regard on her own. I have some part in it but only in how I live my life. She knows all my habits. She knows my good and bad. I am not a witness, I am not disfellowshipped according to the records they keep. I am a floater. SO she can talk to me, she does on a regular basis. She does not preach to me. Save for little comments not directed at me but to the air around her.
"There is only one way all this will end. I have to keep my sights on that."
She used to say,
"There is only one way all this will end, I Have my sights set on that."
I remember when that time of introversion began to lift, and I found myself seeing the good in all the bad people were telling me was there my whole life. When those people who I was told were evil and only out to corrupt and use me were the ones who were there and helped me. When I started to realize I Had a veil over my eyes. So when me and my mother speak she knows that if she asks or begins a conversation surrounding religion I will share my thoughts. I do not ever directly attack the Jehovah's Witnesses. I do not attack "God". I attack the evil only. I put my finger int he eye of the Organization, The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. I have found keeping it simple. Using her own words is how I make my views known.
"Lilith I just have to do what it is Jehovah would want me to do." She says as she is walking out the door, I felt that fire in my chest and I took a deep breath a tear actually welling in my eye,
"YES! Mom you do exactly what Jehovah God would want. Not men, God only." She looked back at me and knew exactly what it was I was saying,
"Do not put your trust in nobles nor the son of man to whom no salvation belongs." Psalms 146:3
She stroked my chin and nodded with a smile told me she got it.
"I won't" and she left.
I believe she is one of the Conscious Class, Those who know the men are liars but believe in the Faith and spirituality. To me, that is OK. She is a smart woman. I do not think if it came down to an actual "Cool aid" moment she would partake.
I don't know why all of this was so stuck in my head. Why I felt I needed to talk about this. I used to do videos on YouTube a lot of them about how I felt when I was at my most angry with the Organization. I've thought a lot about that time and realize it was always the Org I was mad at. Never my parents. They were simply stuck where I had been. I could not fault them for not being ready. Without the organization I believe our family would have been much better. There would have been room for passion. There wasn't any. We could have handled our problems. My uncle would have been put away and dealt with long ago and not hurt as many girls in my family as he had. Maybe even Gotten help for his perversions. Everything would have been different.
Reality is I am just glad that everyone seems to have settled into life and where they wanna be in my life. At least as far as my family is concerned. I feel like life has hit a good pace and place. I haven't stopped being me and who I want to be. I haven't changed my views. One thing that I got from my whole experience is courage in my convictions. But in leaving and having my eyes opened to the world I added the ability to entertain other ideals and take in knowledge in a way most Jehovah's Witnesses will never be able to do. It's a shame that they don't realize. If you have the truth, then lies cannot harm it. Or maybe on some level they do realize they do not have it. Otherwise they would be able to do what we all do. Question everything. Because we all also know that doing it now. Questioning and learning all truth will not harm us but strengthen us. For them, learning all the truth in the world as it really is. It will at first harm them. It will be hell for them. So as I talk to people who are part of the organization I remember that.
Go gentle on them guys. THEY are not the evil, it's the Organization that is the evil. They are just unknowing sales men for a publishing corp. If you want to free the sheep, you do not attack them, you attack what keeps them locked up tight. We want them to be able to walk away, when and IF they are ready.
We will get to the title of the blog in a sec. Will make sense when the time comes. At least for those of you who have been following along. Well MORE for those of you who have been following along since the beginning. Life has just kinda settled into a nice little rythem, and for the first time in 3 years, I am singing along without fear.
And it's all because of...
Me.
Now don't take that as a Selfish thing. I sat and thought when I was starting this blog, I wanted to say it's all because of my Mojo, but then I was on face book and reading a post by a friend there. He was expressing some general distaste for interpersonal relationships and how they can operate. How hard it is to find acceptance, and real true and good companionship. He has been saying this for days, however, and i feel for him. I know how he feels. Just fuck.. Really. I have cried so many times in the night with my face buried in my pillow.
"Why can't someone just love me?"
The answer was shoved down my throat quite hard the past 2 years, I learned quick why no one was really taking the time to know me. They would for a while but then there was this quick retreat or a transfer to friendship that inevitable made it hard for me to deal with the relationship anymore. I kept telling myself and them at times if they would only dig deeper really get to know me, they would fall in love. Why did it never happen?
I Didn't know or love myself I wasn't even comfy in my own skin. I had no clue who I was yet after my marriage and life with my Ex Husband. What the fuck did I expect. People could see that. If they couldn't see it they could feel it. So the time I spent at "The House" The quick sprint with CellBlockSexy, and my time spent here in Tampa alone and gaining my feet helped me get very comfy inside my head and with myself. With that being said and knowing that even in what I am about to announce i can say with or without what is about to happen, I would be fine. I would and could be happy. But the fact that it is happening and I am extatic, only healthily afraid, and certain it is a good decision.
I am getting married again....
Wait... What?!?!?!?!
That's right elephants are flying. Prolly farting rainbows the way I was talking after my first marriage went to shit with a epic flare. But all signs point to fuck yeah on this one.
When your parents love him, your dog hasn't shit on his lap like he did your First husbands lap long before you got serious, and you yourself have not felt one iota of intrusion from his presence. When you feel all the cliche bullshit that comes with what love is gonna be and don't feel so cliche about it. When you actually feel no doubts about the love someone feels about you.
THAT'S WHEN YOU SAY "I DO!"
Goals line up, expectations the same and as realistic or not as the others.. It's just right. So yeah, Mojo and I are going to tie the knot and in a small way with no fluff in the next month or so. How's that for a "No Shit!?!?!?" moment?
So before ya ask me how my New Year was or is....
Fan-Fucking-Tastic.
Never let go of what feels just right, hold on for dear life my friends!
Blessed Be!
)O(
Lilith
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