Signed sealed and final.. I am now Mrs Branco. Second marriage, shocking a lot of people who have known me for more than 5 years. Ironically we didn't plan to do it when or how it was done. But the opportunity presented itself, so we took it.
My first was full of show and frivolity. This time, it was 2 min long and witnessed by some people waiting in line at the clerks office. A few were happy to see it others were looking at their watches angry it would be taking more time to get seen themselves. We had not planned necessarily on doing it that day, mused about it some but nothing serious.
I was glad it was simple and quick. Our Roommate Leonard Actually paid for the ceremony because they would not let us split payment between a card and cash. For that we both were very thankful. We went that weekend to....
What the fuck, why can't I write... with the passion I want to about this? It's not that the passion isn't there it is. It's because my passion is consumed a bit by something completely Different. IT's all BLA BLA BLA about the wedding and all I can think of is,
Why now?
Why after months of a good relationship with my mother and father, why after so much time spent again trying to rebuild a bridge is it now back to this point. The point were the other day I simply told her in text the 2 top reasons I wont be a witness anymore and closed that chat program with a huge sigh thinking to myself;
"Yes mom, the end IS near. You are getting old, Daddy is getting old. Our whole life has been one big in and out of each others lives because of that crazy cult and you cannot see it... Because you think I am going to destroy your faith in "God" and therefore your chance at life forever in paradise."
I know it's as hard for her to wrap her head around my refusal to be a part of "The Organization" as it is for me to wrap my head around her ability to see she is part of a religion that even refers to itself as Not just "The Truth" but they call it "The Organization" too. This same Religion saying that god is going to put a end to organized religion. To FALSE RELIGION. But that they are different from all the rest the only "Organized Religion" that is chosen by God.
Why do I feel a little like I am watching a dog chase it's tail?
I got to really thinking about it. When things are going well. When I am happy, and it is obvious that the hardships I am going through do not immediately send me back into the arms of the love bombing members of The Jehovah's Witnesses, that is when it happens. There is always a justifiable reason however. This time around it was her seeing i speak out about the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society. Been doing it for years, so this is the reason she chose as the cover story as to why. Justifiable, at least by their view. It is an Apostate sort of language. The kind that might sway a believer to dig deeper and find out more about what the WTBTS is really doing and what they are about. Therefor they WARN them to not listen to us. But the real reason?
When you are a Witness you are taught there is no happiness outside "The Organization" That without Jehovah, meaning The meetings, Field service, assemblies, book studies. You Cannot be happy. Because everyone outside of The Org is in Satan's grasp.
So this fact, my outspoken nature on my face book and the internet even tho it has been years of be doing so, along with the new awake Magazine On The practice of Disfellowshipping (see link below) My mother has decided to shun me again.
This means no more contact. In the past this meant they would walk right by me in the store as if they did not see me:
Things that would get people Disfellowshipped are things ranging from Adultery, gambling, and masturbation to simply questioning the organization and how they do things or how they Interpret
the Bible Or even as i did question their policy on how to handle a child molester.
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Link to article:
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/w20150415/disfellowshipping-a-loving-provision/#?insight[search_id]=b43c97b9-4523-4373-99d9-87f5dfecc4f6&insight[search_result_index]=2
Right when my life has started to settle. Suddenly, I am told I am told I am bitter, and that there are decisions to be made. That my life style and choices make it impossible for her to watch me do it anymore.
Lifestyle choices... Hmmmmm...
I don't "Celebrate" Easter Christmas Thanksgiving or any of those holidays.
I don't do Drugs (I do not classify a Sprinkle of pot in the morning so my toes will flatten out and my legs will stop hurting well enough to let me walk around and get my day going as using drugs.) I don't use Meth or Heroine or any other of those kinds. I don't even drink Heavily. I drink less than most JW's do.
I am Married and working Day to day to survive like the next person.
I do struggle with cigarettes
SO what lifestyle could she mean?
OH! I know.
Sorry mother, I will not stop speaking out about the Policies and Procedures that keep Pedophiles comfy and active within the walls of The Organization. I will not Stop speaking out about the lies and deceit that have utterly convinced me so many people are giving their time, energy and money to an Publishing Company who allows its "Sales Reps" (Publishers & Pioneers) to live in consistent Financial hardship while they buy Mansions in Europe and the Caribbean. While those 7 men (or is it 6 now) sit getting fat and rich on the money the "Sales Reps" send them for the magazines and literature they don't even have to pay for the labor to create. While they are spending their money one Material things and LAWSUITS because finally some people are coming forward and holding the org accountable for Covering up and hiding the identities of Pedophiles within The Organization. A Practice that allows for a offender to molest GENERATIONS of Girls in a family...
So if this is a problem, Speaking truth about such a grievous act as misleading people in this manner and trying to keep it from happening to even one more person as it has happen to me and YES even to you. Then so be it. And if I am honest, I am not at all surprised and still a little ashamed that my family couldn't have the balls to put him in Jail. To get him and the girls he hurt some help.
It's OK. Remain Complacent. That's how a good sheep is. Simply stands in line for sheering, gets it done and wanders off shivering into the cold barn deaf dumb and blind to the fact it was robbed of what it needs to stay warm. Or at least used to it happening and just dealing with it because it does not think it has any other choice if it is to live.
So when a person is happy "out here", which is what they call it. "Out in the world" It has a varied effect on people in The Organization. Some figure it's just fake, a show so that the "Lost sheep" can hide his unhappiness from the people he loves and "Show them how wrong they are." Some withdraw completely their support. As stated in the above article. When a person is disfellowshipped they loose all they had as friends and family for support. Emotionally, Financially, spiritually. Basically you become a ghost. My father drove/walked right by me several times and didn't even look at me. Acted like I didn't even exist. The woman in the last paragraph of the article I posted above said it in a very diplomatic way.
"In the long run Despite the pain it brings good results. Had I been tolerant of my son's Bad conduct he would never had recovered." March 2015 Awake Magazine
Let me elaborate, Basically, they cut him off. All of the family and friends he was conditioned to believe were the only ones he could trust. All others outside of The Organization are "Evil and in Satan's Control" Those he trusted Cut him off in all ways of support. They ignored him.
Need a ride to work in the rain? Too bad yer disfellowshipped
Need some food? Too bad yer Disfellowshipped
Need a place to stay? Too Bad....
You get the idea. So no wonder so many youth go back to The Org after being Disfellowshipped! They are scared to death! Wouldn't you agree?
(Applause)
Now I am not saying ALL of the JW's are this way. Some are not quite as fanatical. If I was Destitute my parents would come through for me. the shame is. That is all they know about me. They only know me as the daughter that is in trouble, Never mind the years in between when things were good They didn't know that woman because they wouldn't associate with me. This is because like good sales men they are taught to hit hot buttons. Find the right spots to hit to grab a persons attention and make them easier to convert.
In the ministry school, we are taught as we approach a house to notice things in the yard, Are there toys? Signs on the lawn against a current war or evil in the world? Religious symbols of any kind?
God forbid there was any indication there was a death in the family. Like any good sales person they will use this information to "Sell" their product. They will play heavily on those who have lost a loved one, who are sick or who are anguishing over the state of the world affairs.
So when a Disfellowshipped or non believing family member is in dire need. Comes to a funeral for a family member at a hall. Or generally is in a bad place, this is when the "Love Bombing Starts. But if when things clear up for the person and they do not embrace "The Truth" it goes back to where things are now with my Parents and I.
"We are on separate paths, the end is near and decisions need to be made, I love you, but I love Jehovah more." and that's where it ends.
We, My Husband and I, are finding our feet and able to get things done in our world. Coupled with the fact that I refuse to stop speaking out about the bad that The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society does has made it so she cut me and my new husband off.
They are conditioned to believe there is no happiness outside of The Organization. Well I hate to burst your bubble. But life is life inside or out. The only difference is.
In, your mind, money, time, and future belong to 7 rich men in New York.
Out your mind, money, time and Future are YOURS to create!
Its funny to me, Even after all these years of freedom from The Organization how hard it is for people inside to see what they have become.. Zombies, robots, people who were told they have no soul. They believe they are Soulless. Slaves to "Gods Organization"
I was born into The Organization in 1974, the year before the world was supposed to end. I remember being very young. Hearing my mother joke about it;
"We didn't plan on her making it to kindergarten," A chuckle and a smile tightening her lips around words that seemed painful to her "but now she is in first grade!"
The people around her laughing in the same way. Aunts and Uncles.. her brothers and sisters. Seven in all, all but 3 at the time were in the "Truth", True members of God's Organization. As a child her smile and giggle was seen by me as joy! Soon! I will have my pet Elephant!
As we grow older, the things once held dear, can out themselves as Foolish and Unreasonable later in life. Now, When I look back and see and hear her My adult and more educated mind cringes. In all the love I felt as a member of The Organization, the smiling faces, the warm hugs, the helpful congregation of "true Christians". It wasn't long before The Baptism of Stains began.
I don't know what it is that made US different? What made us, the many who did see what harm The Organization does. How were we blessed with eyes that saw the trolls lurking in the "tween spaces", Ears that heard the whispers of deceit and demoralization? Those evils that the others seemed happy to either accept, ignore, or grow completely blind and dumb to? How were our minds opened? It took YEARS to learn to ask that question, and learn to stop asking the question.
"How can I open their minds?".
You are right!
It's a terrible fight
a massive tug of war!
The only way
to win the fight,
is hide the truth no more!
Remain Steadfast with Intergrity my Friends!
Lilith
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