We will get to the title of the blog in a sec. Will make sense when the time comes. At least for those of you who have been following along. Well MORE for those of you who have been following along since the beginning. Life has just kinda settled into a nice little rythem, and for the first time in 3 years, I am singing along without fear.
And it's all because of...
Me.
Now don't take that as a Selfish thing. I sat and thought when I was starting this blog, I wanted to say it's all because of my Mojo, but then I was on face book and reading a post by a friend there. He was expressing some general distaste for interpersonal relationships and how they can operate. How hard it is to find acceptance, and real true and good companionship. He has been saying this for days, however, and i feel for him. I know how he feels. Just fuck.. Really. I have cried so many times in the night with my face buried in my pillow.
"Why can't someone just love me?"
The answer was shoved down my throat quite hard the past 2 years, I learned quick why no one was really taking the time to know me. They would for a while but then there was this quick retreat or a transfer to friendship that inevitable made it hard for me to deal with the relationship anymore. I kept telling myself and them at times if they would only dig deeper really get to know me, they would fall in love. Why did it never happen?
I Didn't know or love myself
I wasn't even comfy in my own skin. I had no clue who I was yet after my marriage and life with my Ex Husband. What the fuck did I expect. People could see that. If they couldn't see it they could feel it. So the time I spent at "The House" The quick sprint with CellBlockSexy, and my time spent here in Tampa alone and gaining my feet helped me get very comfy inside my head and with myself. With that being said and knowing that even in what I am about to announce i can say with or without what is about to happen, I would be fine. I would and could be happy. But the fact that it is happening and I am extatic, only healthily afraid, and certain it is a good decision.
I am getting married again....
Wait... What?!?!?!?!
That's right elephants are flying. Prolly farting rainbows the way I was talking after my first marriage went to shit with a epic flare. But all signs point to fuck yeah on this one.
When your parents love him, your dog hasn't shit on his lap like he did your First husbands lap long before you got serious, and you yourself have not felt one iota of intrusion from his presence. When you feel all the cliche bullshit that comes with what love is gonna be and don't feel so cliche about it. When you actually feel no doubts about the love someone feels about you.
THAT'S WHEN YOU SAY "I DO!"
Goals line up, expectations the same and as realistic or not as the others.. It's just right. So yeah, Mojo and I are going to tie the knot and in a small way with no fluff in the next month or so. How's that for a "No Shit!?!?!?" moment?
So before ya ask me how my New Year was or is....
Fan-Fucking-Tastic.
Never let go of what feels just right, hold on for dear life my friends!
Blessed Be!
)O(
Lilith
No comments:
Post a Comment