The Time has come, my little friends. To talk of many things. Of lies and cowards, hypocrites, scribes and pharisees!
Yeah a different way to say it but this Poem has been on my mind an awful lot in the past weeks. So much so that I dug out something I had not realized was buried deep in the few boxes of things I still have after all the moving around I have done the past few years. Disney's Alice in Wonderland.
After, of course, my interest in the poem was rekindled by a movie I watched again for the first time in many years with my husband. Dogma, you know the one with the late George Carlin who plays the kind of Catholic Priest who would bless his own golf clubs to get a better game. Which incidentally is what saves the day in the end. There was a scene in the beginning where The Angel Loki (Matt Damon) is talking to a nun about this specific poem. The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll (http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/walrus.html) The Cartoon is a shorter than the actual poem but always is that way book to Movie.
The conversation in Dogma between Loki and the nun was the first moment in my life I felt the veil truly slip a little. I mean truly. I started seeing things differently. It's not just me, other people see this shit too? The ridiculous fanatical way some people follow religion right over their family, their own health and sanity, even their own lives.
It really is time, I have been stuck on the project for some time. I have everything I need to finish it, and I have been procrastinating. I have posted small parts online which I will now remove and get to work on the final product. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. But now, I am. Terrified and excited, but I am tired of holding back a dream because people who tie conditions to their love anyway will get upset with me.
I am going to write my story.
So if you do get upset, make sure what it is you are really upset at. Now this isn't an easy task, believe me I know. Took me years to stop hating my family and blaming them for some of the things that happened that were not in my control, or were my own fault entirely. Once I knew where to place the blame, I refocused. Only problem is, some of the things I say, really hit nerves. Because it is truth. I know you read my blog. So you already know, I wont hide the shit I did either. In looking back however, I know also I was a teenager. Sneaking out, fibbin about smoking, drinking, lil' pot? I had a lot of rage in me. I will explain why too. These are from memory re sketches of something from my memory during what I think was my late sophomore early junior year. It adjusted my view on the world so dramatically, there was no way it wouldn't change me forever.
I think the first truly horrendous thing I can remember doing was close to the end of my Junior year I got piss drunk and went to school. Had it all chilling on my window sill before I went to bed the night before. cup full of beer, cup full of wine, and something else but I cannot for the life of me remember.
I ate breakfast and downed it all. I was wasted before I got to school. I don't remember much. I remember parts of Homeroom. I made it to a Study hall mid morning before the Vice Principle (I won't even try to spell his name). came to collect me after the class.
*An old highschool Mate just informed me its Mr Periczak*
He shouldn't have looked me in the eye man,
I saw him peg me with his eyes and for some reason I ran straight down the ramp to run past him. If I remember we both went down. I was a pretty big girl in High School. Always have been! Anyway, I'm gonna tell all of it, from my view. So if you think that you can handle my view of you at every moment we have known each other. Then please read. And not just my view of our interactions but also of everything else around me. It is my right to write. I can, and I will.
Was just Part of what had started snowballing long before I put those booze on my window. I think it started with the birth of my brother for me. Only I wasn't so aware of it until later. My memory is odd. I remember a lot of my child hood before 8 or 9 then kinda foggy then 15 16 17 it clears into a vivid array of Color... I am simply going to talk.... I'm not really sure what to expect. What I do know, is that it seems to work with blogging. Maybe it will work that way too.
If I'm not here so much, blogging, know I am busy with that. But I got a feeling, There will be frustrations ignited. I will need to vent!
Always show love my friends!
Lilith
)O(
No comments:
Post a Comment